November

November was the best month of my life so far. And the worst. First, let me say that everything is OK with Abby. She is the best most wonderful baby ever. Her birth brought something amazing into our lives and we will never be the same. She is what made November the best month. And then my dad had a heart attack on Saturday the 21st and died at 12:20 AM on the 24th.

By some miracle we had Sunday and Monday with him. We thought he was going to be ok but I guess it wasn't meant to be. Thank god Abby came three weeks early because he died days before her due date. I hate that she won't get to know him except through us but I am happy that he saw her and held her. But I am devastated that it was only three times in her life, and that there isn't a single picture of any of those moments.

So that's why I haven't written. At first it was just because we were adjusting to having a new baby - we had 5 days in the hospital - the recovery was quick from the c-section - breast feeding a failure - jaundice a big deal for the first two weeks - a baby who needed to be fed every two hours - it was all a blur at first.

And then I couldn't write because I would have to say this...and I didn't want to. But it's been three weeks. That was how old Abby was when he died. It just sucks to be honest. A million times I want to call him - to talk to him - to have him see her.

But there is joy - in the sweet baby above.